Quite slack today
Have nothing to do
So as per normal, watch anime

Then helped my sis do the arrangement of the pictures
That one took quite a while
Doing some revision these few days
Scare will forgot those things

Got to go
Some jokes for you readers below
Sayonara
Whenever and wherever I am, I will put you first in my heart.
No one can ever take over your place.

Top jokes around the world

Top Joke in Northern Ireland

Ø A doctor says to his patient, 'I have bad news and worse >news'. > 'Oh dear, what's the bad news?' asks the patient. > The doctor replies, 'You only have 24 hours to live'. >'That's terrible', said the patient. 'How can the news >possibly be worse?' >The doctor replies, 'I've been trying to contact you since >yesterday'.

Ø Top Joke in Scotland > > >I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather. >Not screaming in terror like his passengers.

Ø Top joke in UK > > >

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. >The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. “Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!", The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off go >ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.

Ø Top joke in USA > > > A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local >golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green >when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He >stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and >bows down in prayer. >His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and >touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man. >The man then replies: "Yeah, we were married for 35 >years."

Ø Top joke in Canada > > >When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they >quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To >combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to >develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, >on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging >from below freezing to 300 C. >The Russians used a pencil.

Ø Top joke in Australia >This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much >worried and all strung out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. >When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw >my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, >my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look >on my face! >What's WRONG with me, Doctor?" >The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then >calmly says: >"Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with >your eyesight...."

Ø THE WINNING JOKE > > >A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when >one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his >eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell >phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: >"My friend is dead! What can I do?" >The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it >easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." >There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice >comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

Ø SECOND PLACE >Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After >a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, >and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his >faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you >see." >"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" replies >Watson. "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson ponders for a >minute. >"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions >of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I >observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is >approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I >suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I >can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and >insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?" >Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he >says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"

Ø Top Joke in England > > >Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to >insult the other one. > He screams, "I slept with your mother!" >The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the >other weasel will do. >The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!" >The other says, "Go home dad you're drunk."

Top Joke in Wales > > >A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was >mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and >asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. >The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on >his face and replied "I don't know, it all happened so fast."

==============================================================

*The haunted house*
One stormy night an English, Irish and Scottish man were walking home and had no shelter so at the top of this big hill they found this haunted house.
They were all freaked out and hesitated to go in.
Eventually, the English man went in and found a five pound note sitting on the table and he goes to lift it when all of a sudden the ghost of Mickey Mouse appears and says "I'm the ghost of Mickey Mouse lift that fiver and I'll haunt your house"
Next the Scottish man went in and saw the fiver, but before he could lift it the ghost of Mickey Mouse appeared again and said "I'm the ghost of Mickey Mouse lift that fiver and I'll haunt your house".
Finally, the Irishman went in and lifted the fiver and Mickey Mouse popped out again and said "I'm the ghost of Mickey mouse lift that fiver and I'll haunt your house"
Then the Irishman said "I'm the ghost of Donald Duck I'll lift this fiver and I'll run like fuck"


*Deadly Fruits*
One day in the forest, 3 guys were just hiking along a trail when all of a sudden, a huge pack of indians attaked them and knocked them out.
When they woke up, they were at the leader of the tribe's throne.
The chief then said "All of your lives may be spared if you can find ten of one fruit and bring them back to me."
So after a while the first man returned with 10 apples. The cheif then ordered him to stick all ten of them up his butt without making any expression at all on his face. He had a little bit of trouble with the first one and started crying while trying to put the next one in. He was soon killed.
Later, the next guy came in with 10 grapes. The cheif soon ordered him to do the same as the first guy. After to the 9th grape, the man started laughing so hard for no apperant reason, and was killed.
The first two guys soon met in heaven and the first guy ask the second, "Why did you start laughing? You only needed one more grape and you'd have gotten away!"
The second guy answered while still laughing, "I couldn't help it. I saw the third guy walking in with pineapples."

*Women are impossible to please*
A store that sells husbands has just opened where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids.
The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.
"Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"
The fourth floor sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.
"Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.
"Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.
The sixth floor sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 6,875,953,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

*Speak proper english!*
Billy was on holiday in America and didn't speak very good English. It was his last day and he was heading to the airport to fly home, but first he needed to buy a few things.
He ends up going to the store and asking the clerk for some "BUM". She sits there and thinks for awhile and then says, "Oh you must mean gum."
Then he goes to the fish store and askes if he could get some "FUCK IT". The fish man thinks and says, "Oh I get it, you must mean Bucket (bucket of fish)"
Billy shakes his head as YES.
Then he makes a trip to the pet store and says, "Could I get a cock and spank it?" The pet store owner says "Oh you must mean Cocker Spaniel."
Billy shakes his head as YES.
He finally makes it to the airport where he will be catching his flight.
When he gets there he askes this guy...
"Could you hold my bum and fuck it while I get my cock and spank it"

……………………………………………………………………………………………….

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City,
where a woman may go to choose a husband.
Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of
how the store operates.
You may visit the store ONLY ONCE!

You may choose any man from a particular
floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you
cannot go back down except to exit the Building!
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband .

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord

The second floor sign reads
Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.

The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and
are extremely good looking
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.


She goes to the fourth floor and sign reads:
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids,
are drop dead good looking and help with the housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!'


Still, she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the
Lord, love kids, are drop- dead gorgeous, help with
the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.


She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth
floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4,363,012 to this floor.
There are no men on this floor.
This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.

Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

…………………………………………………………………………………

Stress reliever #1>
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Husband : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Husband : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?

Stress Reliever # 2>
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that is because we aren't married yet.

Stress Reliever #3>
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

Stress Reliever # 4>
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"

Stress Reliever # 5>
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

Stress Reliever # 6>
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
MyFather grows beans," said one student.
"My father cooks beans," said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."

Stress Reliever # 7>
Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman ! "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"

Stress Reliever # 8>
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning.

Stress Reliever # 9>
A wife asked her husband: What do you like most in me - my pretty face or my sexy body?
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: I like your sense of humour

……………………………………………………………………………………………………..

Prospective Employer to Applicant: "So why did you leave your previous job?"
Applicant: " The company relocated and they did not tell me where!"
________________________________________________________________
Wife: " Sir, I would like to call on my husband who left me and brought all our five kids with him."
Radio Host: " Ok, go ahead!"
Wife: " Sweetheart, please return back all the kids, actually only one of them is yours."
_______________________________________________________________
Hello! I'm here again. My mind is all muddled up. I just want to ask something. I know that you will be able to help me out. Is BIRDS FLU the past tense of BIRDS FLY?
_______________________________________________________________

You were riding a bus, when you suddenly fart. Luckily the music is very loud. Every time you farted, you timed it with the music.
When you were going down the bus, everybody were throwing dagger looks at you, and you suddenly realized . . . . . that you have your MP3 player on your ears!
______________________________________________________________

WIFE: It's a miracle! You came home early.
HUSBAND: I just obeyed what my boss told me to do. He said:
"GO TO HELL", that's why I came home early.
_______________________________________________________________

1st night grandma wore a see-thru dress, grandpa didn't react... 2nd night grandma wore t-back, grandpa still didn't react... 3rd night grandma all naked, grandpa said "what is that you are wearing, it's all crumpled!!"
_______________________________________________________________

John: it's my wife's birthday
Peter: what's your gift to her?

John: i asked her what she wanted
Peter: what did she say?
J: anything, as long as there is a DIAMOND.
P: what did you gave her?
J: playing cards

………………………………………………………………………….

TEACHER : Why are you late?
BALGOBIN : Because of the sign.
TEACHER : What sign?
BALGOBIN : The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, why are you doing your math sums on the floor?
BALGOBIN : You told me to do it without using tables!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, how do you spell "crocodile"?
BALGOBIN : "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER : No, that's wrong
BALGOBIN : Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What is the chemical formula for water?
BALGOBIN : "HIJKLMNO! "!!
TEACHER : What are you talking about?
BALGOBIN : Yesterday you said it's H to O!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, go to the map and find North America.
BALGOBIN : Here it is!
TEACHER : Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS : Balgobin!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
BALGOBIN : Me!
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, why do you always get so dirty?
BALGOBIN : Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
BALGOBIN : Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER : I think so. What do you want me to write?
BALGOBIN : Your name on this rep ort card.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
BALGOBIN : Don't bite any.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-**-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Balgobin, give me a sentence starting with "I".>BALGOBIN : I is...
TEACHER : No, Balgobin. Always say, "I am."
BALGOBIN : All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : "Can anybody give an example of "COINCIDENCE?">BALGOBIN: "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
BALGOBIN : "Because George still had the axe in his hand?"

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
BALGOBIN : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
FATHER : No. Why do you ask that?
BALGOBIN : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
BALGOBIN : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him,what virtue would I be showing?
BALGOBIN : Brotherly love?
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER : Now, Balgobin, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?

BALGOBIN: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: Balgobin, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
BALGOBIN: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-
TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
BALGOBIN: A teacher

……………………………………………….

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears.
The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each" So the eager senior manager shouted, "I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas , on a fast boat and have no worries." Pfufffff, and he was gone.
Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted" I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails." Pfufffff, and he was also gone.
The boss calmly said, "I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35pm."
Moral of the story is: "Always allow the bosses to speak first"
**********************************************************************
Standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand. "Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and
pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the shredder machine. "I just need one copy."

Lesson II - Never, never assume that your BOSS knows everything.
**********************************************************************
An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are you?"
The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean."
The American repeated, "What kind of -ese are you?"

Again, the Japanese was confused over the question.
The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you ... Are you a Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese!, etc......???"
The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese."
A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked What kind of 'key' was he. The American, frustrated, yelled, "What do you mean what kind of -kee' am I ?!"
The Japanese said, "Are you a Yankee, donkee, or monkee?"
Lesson III - Never insult anyone.
********************************************************************** There were these 4 guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared.
Thankful that the 4 guys had released him out of the bottle,
He said, "Next to you all are 4 swimming pools, I will give each of you a wish. When
you run towards the pool and jump, you shout what you want the pool of water to become, then your wish will come true."
The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted "WINE".
The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine.
The Frenchman was so happyswimming and drinking from the pool.
Next is the Russian's turn, he did the same and shouted, "VODKA" and immersed himself into a pool of vodka. The German was next and he jumped and shouted, "BEER". He was so contented with his beer pool.
The last is the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he steps on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, "SHIT!!!!!!!........."
Lesson IV - Think twice before you say something, because
sometimes accidents do happen.

**********************************************************************TThe organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge. Each organ took a turn to speak up:
Brain......... I should be in charge because I run all body functions. Blood........ I should be in charge because I circulate oxygen for the brain. Stomach... I should be in charge
because I process food to the brain.
Legs......... I should be in charge because I take the brain where it wants to go.
Eyes......... I should be in charge because I let the brain see where it's going. Asshole.....I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste.
All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad. To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever.
Day 1 - Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief
Day 2 - Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly
Day 3 - Legs got cramps and became unstable
Day 4 - Eyes became watery and vision became blurred
Day 5 - Blood became toxic and poisoned the body

Day 6 -The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in charge.
Moral of the story: No matter who you are, or how important you think you are, you will find that it is always the ASSHOLE that is in charge.

…………………………………………………………………………………….

Indian spin Technology at work.

After digging to a depth of 100m last year, Russian scientists found traces of copper wiring dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their

> > ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago.

So as not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200m, and headlines in the US newspapers read:- "US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibres, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians"

One week later, the Indian press reported the following:- " After digging as deep as 500m, Indian scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using wireless technology".

………………………………………………………………………………………

A father is explaining sex to the son;

Son: Why is making love so enjoyable?

Father : Aiyah, ah boy, enjoyable because, same like when you dig your nose

with your finger mah!

---------------------------------------

Son: Do you think women enjoy sex more than men?

Father: Of course woman lah ! When you dig your nose, your nose feel better than your finger, right?

---------------------------------------

Son: Why do women hate it when they get raped?

Father: Ai-yah ! Say, you walk along the road, den someone come over and dig your nose, you like or not? Huh..

---------------------------------------

Son: Why is it a woman cannot have sex when she is having her menses?

Father: Oi!! If your nose bleeding, you still go and dig meh?? Siao ah!!

---------------------------------------

Son: Why is it most men don't like wearing condoms when they are making love?

Father: Ehhhh, when you dig your nose ah, you like to dig with a glove on your finger or not? Not the same shiok feeling mah.

---------------------------------------

Son: Why is making love carried out in private?

Father: Ah boyyyyy, you go and dig your nose in flont of your whole class izit?? Stupid arh!!

HAHA!! Understand? SMILE ALWAYS!

………………………………………………………………………………….

Before marriage.

Darling here.. darling there...
After marriage.
Baling here... baling there..


Before marriage. .
I die for you. . .
After marriage.
"You die, up to you. "
Lagi lama married. .
You want to die I help you!


Before marriage. .
You go anywhere. . I follow you.
After marriage. . .
You go anywhere. . up to you.
Lagi lama married. . .
You go anywhere better get lost!!


Before wedding
you are my heart, you are my love"
After wedding
"you get on my nerves. "


Before wedding
"you are sweet and kind just like Cinderella"
After wedding
"you are worse than godzila"


Before wedding
Roses are red, violets are blue. Like it or not, I'm stuck with you
After wedding
Roses are dead, I am blue. You get on my head, I will sue you


Before wedding
Every makan he brings you to Shangri-La
After wedding
You want to go, he says you wait-la


Before wedding
She looks like Anita Sarawak
After wedding
Don't know whether katak or biawak


Before wedding
Weekends at Cameron, Genting and Fraser's Hill
After wedding
Furthest you go is Maxwell Hill


Before wedding
He opens the car door
After wedding
He opens his mouth and snores


Before wedding
She / he was your ideal
After wedding
She / he becomes your ordeal


hehe...future hubbies...be careful...and future wives...be aware.......................!!